I am now reading “Why We Lie: The Evolutionary Roots of Deception and the Unconscious Mind”. I notice something strange about self deception. When people are supposed to do the right thing—and when they have no intention to do so—they create elaborate justifications for why they are NOT obliged to do that. Of course, they anger many people. They do wrong. They create enemies when they do so. These might be people who previously bore them no ill will. But, now their victims feel wronged and want to get even. But, this is precisely what people do in such situations.
A few months ago, a cheap smarty who spoke with a male friend of mine told me that this guy is cheap and mean. She said that she did not want to speak to him anymore because “they way he spoke—It was such a big turn off”. He was not someone I could trust, she said, because he fears that I might write about him. Much later, I heard from this guy that she had messaged him saying that I was annoying her. “Help! Help!” When I asked about it, she dodged the issue, and claimed that if I like her, I should trust her.
Poor thing. A week before this happened, she had sent me an email, pining.
Her full name is Akshaya Pillai. After all this, this smarty had sent him a long email explaining how I was annoying her, and why she had nothing to do with this.
Oh, the greatest writer of her generation chasing a little vermin with grandiose ambitions—the guttersnipe that struggles to write intelligible essays. But when I asked about this, she had forgotten the chain of events. She felt that she had not done enough to me. These cheapos have no self knowledge.
The truth was that what happened was mutual. I pursued her because she wanted me to pursue her. She might have had her own reasons. Her father who drove bullock carts in the Middle East is now damaged goods and strapped for cash and was deported—to spend the rest of his life in a government hospital in Kerala. I do not know about that. I should have published her emails, and my conversations with her, but I have not done that.