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Musings Of An Emotional Zombie

I stared down and reflected. From the top of the College roof I could see the whole village. I could see kids having fun on the hostel roof. I could hear voices of shops shutting down around him. Staring at the stars in the sky, I smiled. Four years later we all are on still on the top of that hill trying to finish it off as soon as possible. I haven’t figured out this Engineering stuff yet, but I do understand there are things such as ‘Supplementaries’. Life gets more complicated when I realize I have more papers to clear than Pi has digits to get hold of that almighty piece of paper in time. No, I don’t have a snowballs chance in hell to get hold of it in time. All these drive me into hysterics of anxiety, fear and insecurity. But, do I really care? .Albert Camus once famously wrote “There was no fate on earth insurmountable by scorn”. I do try to manage this fate by the same philosophy.
My days at Model Engineering College…… I spent 4 unhappy years there reading voraciously, flunking most of the courses and skipping the rest of them. I was depressed, wondering what I would do with my life. Sometimes I would walk up to the examination hall, and then come back to my room as if I had a revelation that I haven’t even opened the prescribed text book and spent 3 of those hours (I got them bonus) reading books on a wide range of subjects from Economics and Cognitive psychology to Game theory and Pure Math. I bunked close to 90% of the classes, though now I wonder how it was possible for me to do as much. At the end of every semester I spend few of my valuable minutes counting the number of hours I attended which usually amounted up to 8 or 10.
I lied on the roof, planning what he would do with his life. I had no idea what to do with it. I never had it. All I had were some lame excuses for not knowing what I wanted to do.Excuses,Excuses,Excuses.From the college authorities to the system, from my parents to the government policies. I would blame anyone, but myself. I wanted to say Goodbye to this place. Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye. Goodbye to the College where Anjanadevi cuts out assignments after assignments & Dilip bores you to death with his soporific spiritual lectures.
I wanted to lie there for ever, but didn’t feel like doing that. I wanted to get up and get to work, I didn’t feel like doing that either. I woke up and walked down. Lights suddenly went off and I heard the noise of chairs falling down. I couldn’t see anyone. It was so dark in there. Students were still having fun on the hostel roof. There was someone whispering in the office. I rushed down, turned back and looked at that building. Model Engineering College stood on the top of that hill in a two acre campus. I walked down the road. Stray dogs ran after me, but I outsmarted them taking the other path. I ran as fast as possible towards my room. I had forgotten to lock his room when I went out, as usual. I stared lazily at my huge pile of books shattered all over the floor. I used to make castles with them. It was fun, until they fell down, but then I had to do it all again which wasn’t that fun. I lied on the bed and slept even before I realized it.

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