I felt as if it were a straw held at me while I was hanging by my fingernails over an abyss. I looked at it and then at the man hanging nearby. He doesn’t even seem to realize the problem. It wasn’t a problem to be solved, for him-but, just a fact of life. It was he who held me back whenever I tried to get out of it reminding me of the dangers if he went out. I tried to clutch everything held out, but he crushed every instinct inside me with his hands powerful by comparison. You know, two decades is a hell of a long time.
Some days, I wanted to kick & slap and felt like spitting on his face. He would cry. Then, I would look at his face which can’t even make the pretense. It made me feel sorry for him. He can’t smile. He can’t laugh. He can’t cry. The dangers, if I had went out… Earlier I used to believe even he too believed it. Now, I know it isn’t. What makes him hang here? What keeps him hanging? I don’t know.
I looked at that piece of straw and summoned all my energy to get hold of it. My life would never be the same if I could get out. I felt a passion so deep that I could have never felt before and never feel again. I could see the faint picture of evening suns rays falling over me. One day the straw was withdrawn all of a sudden on a stormy day. It was as if no one could tell for certain what caused it. It was a stormy, rainy day in which the wind blew so hard that I feared I would fell off from the nail. Anything of these could have caused it and no one could tell. It happened-That was all I knew.
One day I got to know the evil truth that it was he who removed it. I cried and shouted at him with all my voice. It wasn’t anything he could even recognize. I am talking of life and death matters and he is mocking at it in a hooligan manner. I made long, philosophical speeches-He said it was true, but what I speak of is never going to happen. I heard “I agree with you, but I would never let it happen.”
I saw him smile like a maniac. What did that smile mean to him? I wanted to ask, but didn’t, fearing I would have to hear the naked truth that all the bastard wanted was to destroy me. A conspiracy of silence and now, he is smiling, a wicked smile.